I have horrible, cystic acne ridden skin. I started having acne when i was 9 years old and I am now 15. I have been to 8 very professional dermatologists but they all failed and kept pointing me to the next best one until i reached one of the best dermatologists in the country. But still, he failed. I have tried proactive and clearasil with horrific results. acne md, skin id, all the big products. they all made it worse. I've tried every kind of extreme acne treatment, every kind of medicine, and i eat no sugar or saturated fats, no greasy meat, nothing. I eat all organic and i constantly drink water all day and herbal tea with every meal. but last month i did the unthinkable and ate a slice of cake and after that my skin was complete hell for a week. I get plenty of vitamins and minerals and protien. change my pillow cases every night, clean my face twice a day, basically, i do everything right, but i just have to face the fact that i am doomed to a life of acne. My father is 58 and he still has acne. he has had it all his life starting around the same age my tragedy began. and my mother also had cystic acne. I don't have many friends, and this is the reason why. No guy has ever liked me more than an acquaintance and I feel completely disgusting. People think i don't take care of myself and that i chose this. People tend to avoid me. I also have had a countless number of strangers come up to me in places like walmart or the grocery store and tell me to do the public a favor and get rid of my acne. I think the worst time was when two adults and a guy most likely in his late teen years, all started hollering across the street and told me to put a bag over my head. I am currently trying organic masks and making my own moisturizers and organic acne treatments. It kind of worked, but still, not much of a difference in my appearance. I fear that I will never have a boyfriend and never marry. I want children, but again, i may never have a husband, and i wouldn't want to bring them into the world, knowing what they may go through because of my mutated genes. Also, who would want to hire me? My chances of being successful are slim if i look like this. I dream of clear, smooth skin on my face just like everyone else. and i dream of no more physical and emotional pain. I usually don't leave the house unless i have to. whenever i go out I always keep my head down, wear hoodies alot, and i always wear my hair down so i can use it to hide my face. when people look at me, they always have this intimidating look on their face, no one ever sees my eyes, or my hair, they only see my skin and before anyone can get to know me, they immediately decide i'm not friend material. I'm a very shy person and one of my biggest fears is talking to people and being judged by other people. I have thought about suicide a few times. I even tried to think of a plan. But it would be too devastating for my family. It would be extremely selfish and i wouldn't be able to do it knowing my parents would have to go through the loss. I just don't know what to do. My skin has taken everything away from me; my hope for the future, my friends, my dignity, my sanity, everything. Why is this happening to me? Where is there a way out besides death?
Already tried accutane for months. never worked
Also i tried proactive and it made my face 3 times worse. and i heard that from many other people too that it made theirs worse. I'm just so hopeless and I'm almost ready to give up since the chances are high that I'll be just like my dad. I just need to find some way to try to accept it, but i'm just so depressed.